Jessica Simpson heads back to TV

Posted by admin

May 29, 2009

Now that she’s got the whole delusions of movie fame out of her head, fatty Jessica Simpson is heading back to the small screen that made her famous in the first place. And before you start thinking she’ll be starring in a reality show based on her soaring weight gain and plummeting music and film career, think again. No. The stupid blonde is set to star in the reality/documentary called The Price of Beauty, a program that features Jess going around the world and discovering the many shocking things women would do to make themselves beautiful. Basically every single Oprah episode on make-overs condensed into one frenetically-edited set to crappy pop music reality show featuring one of the widest asses in Hollywood today.

It’s still pretty unclear if Jess will shed the poundage before taking on the TV hosting duties, but what is clear is that she will apparently attempt some of the extreme beauty regimens she discovers herself. So it’s kinda like a cross between The Swan and Fear Factor with a bit of Animal Planet thrown in. You know, because the women would be dogs before their regimens and hot chicks after. Details are still under wraps about what exactly the show will contain, but one thing is for sure, you’re gonna have to sit through Jessica’s annoying nasal faux-Southern accent for 40 minutes every week while watching rich and deluded skanks nip, tuck, staple, stretch, exfoliate, and make-over themselves for the sake of vanity. I can’t think of a more exciting show to see.

In all seriousness, why is this woman still working? Scratch that. Why is this woman still relevant? It seems like since she debuted her hefty figure months ago, people have been clamoring for her disappearance. Yet the media still seems to embrace this Jabba. Vanity Fair covers (still not over that one), constant press coverage, and in-depth coverage of her attempts at weight loss are rampant on both TV and the net, and we just sit here and roll our eyes at this awfulness. It’s about time that we, as bloggers, come together and just basically ignore her to get it in her head that WE DON’T WANT TO SEE HER ANYMORE! But unfortunately, a lot of people still wanna see her. She has, after all, become the poster girl for hick-town middle America. You know, those women who waddle through the mall wearing the tiniest clothes and thinking their the shit, when in actuality they’re gelatinous tubs of lard that should never be allowed out of the house. It’s people like Jessica that make fat people delusional. And delusion leads to the most embarassing situations. Kinda like the situations you’ll find right here.

Celebrities